Published Date: 02 Jan 18
The human communication is the key to understand intimacy and mutual values among the members in the family. Most parents these days fail to establish the connection with their kids. Reasons are many but the solution lies in a deeper understanding of the types of families and ways in repairing the missing gaps. There are many types of families like consensual families where parents are the decision makers and the kids freely communicate their thoughts, feelings and activities but children are forced to value the decisions of the family elders.
Next we have protective families where parents take their decisions and kids are taught to follow it. Here the children never learn to take their decisions on their own. Apart from these we have laissez-faire families where everyone is set free to take their own decision and children never really care for explaining their actions thereby learning to live their life on a free will basis. These shows that kids in these types of families are never given importance thereby losing their self-confidence and they hardly try to be independent in their lives. This ultimately leads to many behavioural problems.
The need of the hour is to adopt and exhibit mix communication behaviour with the goal of imbibing the moral and ethical values in our children. We need to believe the value of life lessons and through our interaction with the kids we need to drive them to give equal input in family discussions, preparing them to be concerned human beings afterwards. These families where kids are never afraid of disagreements are able to develop strategies to resolve differences and they gain enough confidence. Let us try to make our family a pluralistic family where our children can be brought up in a conducive and secure atmosphere.
With this note let us discuss certain strategies that we should adopt for the better upbringing of our children in our daily life:
Regular communication helps to resolve conflicts and boosts the knowledge and confidence in kids. Kids learn from the experience of the elders and comparatively fare better in all aspects of life. Now-a-days parents find it an easy way to engage their kids with modern gadgets but we should never forget that gadgets can be informative but kids get real education and motivation from their parents and elders in the house.
Any kind of effective communication depends solely on effective listening. Therefore it is important to pay attention to all the verbal and non-verbal messages that a child is eager to impart to its parents. Kids love to speak more than they listen and they want their parents to respond equally. They stay motivated when they hear you speak words like ‘I understand’ or ‘I get you’ or ‘you mean to say…’. So they try to sound sensible and knowledgeable in order to get respect and a little more attention from their parents, which in a way helps in developing their self-confidence.
In today’s world adults are loaded with so many responsibilities that they hardly find time to relax and refresh their minds out of the problematic situations and as a result unknowingly they utter negative comments on life, society, and situations even when the children are around. Children get easily distracted by these nasty comments. So always try to appear positive or optimistic around your kids even when you are dying within. Parents are the role models for their kids so fit your feet in those shoes with which you want your child to see.
Healthy communication with kids start with an open, clear and honest conversation. It needs practice to develop assertiveness in character and parents are the best teachers to teach their kids the lesson of assertiveness. Parents should adopt a habit of giving clear instructions to kids so that the kids also learn to be clear and direct in their approach without any hesitation. Gradually they become confident instead of getting confused over the matters. Assertive behaviour not only help to build a strong personality but also gives a clear-cut message to these growing kids that home is a place where the can open their heart out and also receive positive criticism boosting their power of logical thinking.
Parents often speak negatively about others in front of children, which gradually affect their mental growth. Kids think it is fine to speak ill of others openly and it gets infused in their behaviour and character. Apart from this there are parents who criticise their children’s actions and behaviours very often. When the kids get criticised, they feel worthless and question their parent’s love and care. Even sometimes they feel ashamed of themselves unconsciously thereby losing their self-confidence. So it is better to avoid criticism altogether because kids are too fragile to handle them. Instead, we should make them understand where they lack perfection.
On the last note, I would like to conclude with Lord Buddha’s statement that:
“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for a child will hear them and be influenced – good or ill”
Because here at Meenakshi Public School Gurgaon we believe, if a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love, if s/he lives with encouragement s/he learns to be confident and if a child lives with friendliness s/he learns the world is a nice place in which to live, to love and be loved. Let us provide our children the kind of atmosphere right at home in order to see them stepping on our dreams and soaring high in the sky.
Ms Kalpana P. Bhanja